How to Get Past the Barrier of Initiating Sex with Your Partner

by | Relationship

Jun 7, 2022

For some, the idea of initiating sex is met with mental and emotional opposition. That is, they want to initiate sex and probably know how to, but something just doesn’t feel right about it. As easily overlooked as this is, it sure can prove harmful to the relationship if nothing is done to fix things. This is how to get past the barrier of initiating sex with your partner.

1. Know That it is No One’s Responsibility

The god of love does not stand in the center of your relationship with a flaming arrow and says: “Hey, you are to initiate sex all the time, and when you don’t know, sex is allowed to happen.” Neh. 

Know this: anyone can and should initiate sex. You. Him. Her. Anyone.

Related: How to Initiate Sex With Your Partner

2. Break the Stereotypes

Stereotypes built around sex are one big wall that just has to go down, as they make it hard for people to seek initiate sex first. One common stereotype is that women who ask for sex are desperate and loose. 

Nothing is farther from the truth than this. Sex is meant to be enjoyed, and the pleasure that comes with it knows no gender.

Another stereotype is that men who ask for sex are weak—that men aren’t supposed to demand sex from their partners—all lies.  

To get past the barrier of initiating sex with your partner, break the stereotypes.

Read: 15 keys to passion in a relationship

3. Build Your Self Confidence

Perhaps, the reason why you still have problems with initiating sex in your relationship is that you are not so confident in yourself yet. 

Don’t worry. This can be fixed, and soon too, as it doesn’t take a lot of work to get to that confidence level; it takes to enjoy your relationship the way you should. 

Know that your partner wants you, and they will have sex with you if and when you initiate. They are probably waiting on you to make the first move.  

Read: How To Improve Self Esteem In Relationships

4. Do You Ever Use Sex to Manipulate Your Partner? Then it is Time to Stop

Relationships are a bit of a tussle sometimes, especially unhealthy ones. They say all is fair in love and war, don’t they? 

Well, sometimes partners take the mantra to a whole new level and deny their other half sex in a bid to get what they want.

This is a form of manipulation and is very unhealthy for the sex life of your relationship. 

It will make initiating sex very difficult because each time you try to, your partner is going to feel weird, as though you really have got something under your sleeves. 

Read: How To Give Great Head To Your Man Like You Mean It


5. Your Partner Wants You

Remember the talk about self-confidence? Yes. This is where most of it stands. You should not feel as though your partner does not want to have sex with you. Of course, they do.

Knowing your partner long for you as much as you also long for them will help you get past the barrier of initiating sex with them.

Don’t you see how they look at you, how they keep staring even after you have walked past? Do you think they will look at someone they don’t want to be intimate with that way? Of course not. 

Photo by Pavel Danilyuk


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By Ubong Johnson

Ubong Johnson (Ubee) is a relationship expert, medical student, and writer. He writes articles which cover everything from relationships and nutrition to lifestyle. His works of short fiction have appeared in several literary magazines including The Shallow Tales Review, Ngiga Review, and the Kalahari Review. He is the founder and editor of Fiction Niche.


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