It’s never fun when the person you’ve chatted with for a while and developed a liking to doesn’t show up on the first date, but rest assured that you will get through this.
Sometimes, the date doesn’t go as planned, and one party fails to show up. So you are left there, alone and unsure of what to do. Many of us have been in these shoes before, and we can tell you: that while being stood up on doesn’t feel good at all, you sure can handle it just fine without taking any hits to your esteem. Without taking it—personal. These are what to do if your date doesn’t fail to show up:
1. No Internalized Hate
Your first response to being stood up is probably going to be tossing blame at everyone. And that includes even yourself. You’ll blame your date for not showing up. You’ll blame the weather for everything. You’ll also blame yourself. This is normal.
Many people who get stood up on for the first time describe what they felt at that point as an intense inferiority complex.
Pearl, speaking to Goodhealthrecipe, explains that she felt as though she wasn’t enough fun to him, as though she wasn’t enjoyable.
If you find that you are feeling an internalized hate for yourself now that your date has failed to show up, then it is time to take control of your mind.
Snatch your thoughts away from every blame game. Think happy thoughts. These things happen, and most times, it has got nothing to do with you.
2. Call Them
One last time, ring them. Or, if you want, drop a text. Try to find out why they are not here. This is going to help offer you some form of closure.
You’ll feel better knowing that your date is unable to make it because they are caught up somewhere, and it isn’t your fault.
When they offer their explanations, be sure to sympathize with them if their explanations make sense to you. Say sorry, and go back to thinking happy thoughts.
3. Make It a Date with Yourself
Your date may not be showing up anymore. But guess what? You are there, and you sure can have a great time with yourself without them.
Consider this an opportunity to be alone. Order some food and/or some snacks. Sit, and eat.
Keep the phones away. Stop trying to probe into why your date has refused to come. Just have fun. Smile at someone. You know, a bright smile can change your mood.
4. Invite Someone Else Over
If you are really particular about spending time with someone, then invite someone else over to replace your date. This person can be anyone: your friends, your coworkers, anyone.
Just be sure it is someone who would jump on the opportunity to hang out with you. I would recommend a best friend. Tell this best friend your date has stood you up, and you would need some company.
When they come over, be sure to spin some humor about what has happened. When you find a way to joke about something you might not be very comfortable about, you will feel a lot better.
5. No Contact
This is an effective thing to do when your date doesn’t show up. I recommend it so much if you had tried to contact your date but couldn’t. It is also effective even when you would contact them.
For a while, until they reach out to you next, don’t contact them. Don’t engage their posts on social media. Don’t reach out via the DMs. Just be AWOL.
When they reach out to you, be sure to respond to them. But try to keep your responses short and direct. They will feel the change in your attention and will be attracted to you the more.
This depends on how close you were with your date or how understanding they are. When the day is done, text them and try to find out in detail why they failed to show up.
Express your feelings. Let them know that you felt quite weird that they didn’t show up. This is also an effective way to get closure since they’ll most likely apologize to you and try to make it up.
7. Don’t Set Up Another Date
Don’t set up another date with them when your date fails to show up. Someone who loves and wants to hang up with you would set up another date themselves if they failed to show up for the first. Let them do it.
Just keep being responsive to their texts and discussions until they say: “Hey, do you want to hang out once more?” Then, you can decide what you want. Is it going to be a yes or a no?
8. Your Terms Now
When your date decides that they want to hang out with you again, you should decide the terms now.
Tell them where you want to meet them. Tell them the time you want them to show up, and arrange it in such a way that they arrive before you this time.
Do not get prepared, and do not leave the house until they call to say they are on their way. Then, move out there and go meet them. Be sure to wear a smile.
9. Move On
If, for some reason, your date fails to show up a second time, then it is time to move in. It is also time to move in if they don’t try to reach out to you or initiate contact after you pull your attention away from them.
It means they really don’t value your attention that much. A person who doesn’t value your attention does not like you. You most likely have been in this on your own from the get-go.
Move on. Don’t try to initiate any more dates with them. And when they try to initiate a date with you, just politely tell them that you are not very interested anymore.
10. There are lots of people out there willing to go on dates with you. Start talking to them.
Photo by Aleksandra Sapozhnikova on Unsplash